Some nice quotage from Everyday Positive Thinking by Louise L Hay & Friends

A man scores points with a woman if he does his best to contribute. A woman scores points with a man if she lets him off the hook when he makes a mistake - John Gray

The greatest secret to making money and being successful and helping other people is helping other people make money and be successful. - Deepak Chopra M.D.

If you feel happier surrounded by a lot of stuff, then don't try to create a spare, streamlined environment. Instead enjoy your possessions by organising them - Julie Morgenstern

Are your closets, drawers, and cabinets filled up with things that you never use? Get rid of the excess to make room for what you love - Julie Morgenstern.

A healthy vital society is not one in which we all agree. It is one where those who disagree can do so with honour and respect for other people's opinions... and an appreciation of our shared humanity - Marianne Williamson

From Colm Toibin and Diarmaid Ferriter's The Irish Famine a Documentary:

pg135:

The following was written on 27 December 1846 by W. Millikin, a relief commissioner, from the relief district of Moycullen in Galway, denying the claim made by a local priest that there was widespread starvation in his parish.

With reference to your letter no.13 directing me to enquire into the real destitution now prevaling in the Barony of Moycullen in consequence of a strong application having been made to his excellency the Lord Lieutenant by Rev. Myr Phew, Roman Catholic curate from Lettermullen. I have the honour to report that on my return from Connemara I visited the locality, found Mr Phew at the village of Moucullen having been removed from his other charge some months since... as the Barony of Moycullen is considered one of the richest in this part of Galway, on account of the rich crops of wheat that are raised, and as I could not perceive any visible distress or destitution and the locality being so near this, had it existed to the extent described by him, it would have been laid before the Committee at Oughterard or Galway. I therefore continued my inquiries to other channels, the constabulary, proprietors, etc., and am happy to state after taking every pains to ascertain the truth - that less destitution exists in that parish than any other in this district and less probability of the evil returning next season for they have more wheat sown thatn anywhere else. The Reverend Gentleman is notorious for making himself conspicuous and is exceedingly fond of writing to the higher authorities. He was removed from Lettermullen for sending in an exagaggerated account of the starving state of the population at that place. This I had from one of the proprietors and confirmed by an English clergyman and I have witnessed so much of the kind at the relief committees, [with] the Catholic Clergy trying to monopolise the whole of the labour on the public works for their own flocks and recommending persons not in a state of absolute destitution. The only thing that can be stated in mitigation [is] that unless the people get money, the priests will be equally paupers as their stipends depend almost entirely from that source... (National Archives of Ireland, Relief Commission Papers 7/11/04)

From page 108:

Moycullen had a population of 7,343 in 1841 and 6,610 at a maximum were given food in any one day.

Personal notes on this
Moycullen is approximately 7 miles from Galway and 13 from Oughterard however as one of the largest parishes in Ireland so parts would be much closer to one or the other, some would be close to Spiddal in the West. It's mostly landlocked with several lakes and rivers which probably provided food for people. The arrival of the Clifden Railway moved the village about a mile. A few placenames Sraid na mBaintreach (widows street, where 7 widows had house) indicate loss of some but not all dwellers. As indicated above the crops were wheat, and some areas suggest oat growing. Some later schemes improved and disimproved the land further as it removed the floodplain that the Corrib had created in parts.

See it's the place I'm from, it's home.

A lot of people who know me online know that I'm not Christian. Actually pretty much everywhere I'm openly pagan, except at home. At home my mother thinks that there's something going on but I keep sctum about it. I remember the three hour (at least) argument my sister had with mom and dad about being atheist All that ended that conversation was my sister storming off in high dudgeon and refusing to broach it again with them.

I so hate confrontation, I seriously avoid it in my life, though I really should confront some stuff lurking I tend to avoid it and pretend I'm fine, but I'm not. I bottle stuff up until like vesuvious it erupts, blowing bile and ire in all directions. I sometimes even find myself apologising for my opinion! As if somehow I have no right to it.

And then I have to wonder would I capitulate, bow to the pressure, pretend for the sake of peace? Cast off my paganism and be a paper Christian?

And I probably would, and you know that would be worse than not telling the truth.

Things to think about and comment on, possibly later, from Mind over Cancer by Colin Ryder Richardson.

Are your friends upsetting you?
How come that started out when I was typing with a capital F U Y?

Are your past experiences upsetting you?
Yes my past sometimes comes up and bites, but I can't change the past, I can only change the future (if I keep repeating it will I believe it?

Are you happy with your life?
Now that one is loaded, very loaded. If truth be told, I'm not sure. I'm happy with aspects of my life, there are other aspects that are niggling at me.

Are you feeling a loss?
A loss of what? Of eight months of my life? Of an innocence I used to have? Of certain possibilities?

Are you eating and drinking only what is good for you?
I'm human. I'd like to know how that is definied, only what is good for you, how do you decide this?

Do you love your spouse or close companion and they way they love you?
Yeah, sometimes he forgets that I need attention and neglects the small stuff in favour of grand gestures.

Do you love your family?
Mostly, I have a too-complicated relationship with my mother for my own sanity's sake. I lived my youth being compared with my sister and still occasionally she gets held up as a shiny example of good. Which irks me. I love them but it has limits. They think they know me but really don't.

Do you now know what has been a discord in your life?

Have you failed?

Are you expected to do more than you can?

Would you relive your life the way it was?

Do you know the cause or causes of your cancer?

Are you guilty?

What are your guilts?

Cancer

Cancer is something that focuses you mind quite intently. The treatment sometimes causes you to have some very fuzzy thinking, several people refer to it as "Chemo Brain". I'm not sure that in order to concentrate on healing that parts of your mind doesn't just shut down and transfer its attention to getting over the ill.

How do I know, I know because I was there, I had Hodgkins and miracle of miracles I had symptoms. I had being drugged out of my brain to deal with the pain of these symptoms.

So I regularly read cancer survival books and cancer living books and well, cancer books. Along with the Fantasy addiction and the occaisonal romance novel to keep my mind from being overwhelmed.

Reading Mind over Cancer by Colin Ryder Richardson I come across a passage where it says that often the cancer type is the "uncomplaining,. accepting type" and I have to admit that yes, I often don't complain properly, oh I vent on my livejournal, talk to friends about the problems I'm having but I rarely tackle the sources. I have been getting better at this but I have strange ideas about complaining to superiors. I think I'm coming across as whingeing, and I often belabour the point. I suppose that's because I had to do that in school, had to keep telling people things to get a point across, to not be the invisible person in the corner reading a book.

I don't know that I don't sometimes truly hate myself. Hate the fact that I seem to have as much impact on the world as a soap bubble. I sometimes feel disjointed from the world, like I just skim the edges and don't really get truly involved, there's a voice lurking somewhere that comments and doesn't want me to get too deep for fear it might get hurt, but there's also a voice that wants to be involved.

Sometimes my glasses are that barrier. It's like they protect me from the outside, offering me a different vision of the world than provided by reality.

Sometimes I'm that barrier. I don't want to get burned, I don't want people to hurt me as much as they have in the past, don't want that laughter and pain.

I also sometimes wonder if I settle for safe instead of dreams and maybe that's providing me with these moments of pain, the cancer was just a symptom of the pain I feel for having an unexamined life.

I have forgotten things that happened to me, and remembered things that used to feel important and now feel like they are a waste of time, uninteresting, stupid even and I wonder why it is that I held on to these memories. What is it in my mind that puts these memories into the places that they are and makes them sit there and occasionally burst forth from my mind. Sometimes they are vivid, sometimes only a sensations is recorded leaving me wanting more.

Memory is a tricky thing, when things happen to you you really think that they are important, sometimes they actually are, when you remember them sometimes you wonder will anyone care in 100 years, or even next year. Sometimes that depresses me,. the idea that sometime in the future, even though I've been trying to live a good life that sometime in the future no-one will care about me or my life or even the fact that I existed, kinda depressing really.

I plan to use this to do some writing, to formulate ideas that will later get proper editing and maybe, just maybe I might get that novel written!

So expect rants about politics, random snippets of ideas and possibly disjointed character ideas.

Wow, refound this one and note that I haven't used it in simply ages, ah well it might be useful to have a slightly hidden blog to record stuff that I don't necessarily need people to know 8)

See which Greek Goddess you are.

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